I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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