My nipple is on Facebook.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
