Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
