watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize