If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
its liver damage thursday
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
