she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
