shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
