He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
