i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
