Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
