No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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