I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
