Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
