we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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