he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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