All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
