I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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