im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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