I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
