the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
