he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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