She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize