in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
