Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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