We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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