you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
