And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
