He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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