White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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