I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's great music for shaving your balls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
