i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
