Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
someone threw a dead crab at me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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