the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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