my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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