Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
