Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
