nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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