Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
