I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
