Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
