We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
