Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
