dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
