I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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