I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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