New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish my penis had a tongue
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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