just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
