He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
