My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
