sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need to stop coming to work sober
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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