dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
