I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
