it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
