There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
