I accidentally had phone sex last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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