and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
