my vag is so smooth its legendary
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize