so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
