Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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