I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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