Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
