I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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