PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
