I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize