How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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