I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
COCAINE IS GR8
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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