Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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